Fridays often reminded of a child’s book called, “Is It Shabbos Yet?” There is so
much I want to do and feel I need to accomplish, but time flees away.
This was even truer this past Erev Rosh Hashana. I so wanted to get everything
done and go to shul and daven or at least daven my heart out at home, and connect to
Hashem at that special time when he is so close to us and ready to answer us. Although
His messages come in many different ways we need to be open vessels to receive them,
not distracted from our prayers..
This year I was in the midst of getting ready - running here and there, taking care
of last-minute things (I’m sure you know the feeling!). It was almost time to light when
there was a knock on the door - 20 minutes before candle lighting! I ran to answer it
and standing there were 2 ladies. They asked, “Do you please have any tablecloths we
could borrow?” I should explain: right next door to me there is a small hall that does
small events. It seemed clear to me that this Rosh Hashana the hall must have been
rented out to this family for a Simcha.
The ladies quickly explained in Hebrew that they needed tablecloths because
they (mis)understood that they would be provided and there was no time to return
home (out of town!) and no stores were open. Naturally, I had the marvelous feeling,
“WOW! Hashem is sending me the opportunity to do chessed!” I quickly agreed and
gave them six, two of which were almost brand new, ones that my daughter had just
bought for our chagim. I explained in my broken Hebrew that I always cover them with
plastic and gave them clear plastic table covers to use over the my cloths on Yom Tov,
and they nodded their heads acknowledging what I told them. I quickly ran to light
cancles and felt grateful for the opportunity to perform a mitzvah right before candle-
lighting on Erev Rosh Hashana!
On the way back from shul on the second day of Yom Tov I passed the hall and
saw this family making a kiddush outside the hall, and yes, they were using our table
clothes! At first, I was happy but as I got closer I became really disturbed: they had not
covered them with the plastic covers! I dug deep into my mental kaf-zechut jar and
thought that maybe they ran out…but why didn’t they ask me for a few more!
It was impossible to resist; I walked to the hall entrance and glanced in. What I
saw made me cringe: a table with one of the brand new table clothes with a big kum-
kum (hot water tank) placed on it, surrounded by containers of coffee, tea, hot cocoa,
and sugar. You can imagine what that “coffee corner” looked like… I was the one doing a
“slow boil” as I walked home!
“How could they not understand!” I thought, “What were they thinking?! How
could they!” I did my best to put my feelings in a box and close the lid, and put it in a
drawer – I needed to get ready for the family’s seudah – but, in all honesty, it was not
easy to do. The nagging angry thoughts kept creeping up on me, troubling my chag
feeling.
On Motzaei Shabbos there was a knock on the door. My husband answered and I
heard him talking to the hosts of the simcha. They thanked him and asked if he wanted
the tableclothes cleaned professionally. My kind (isn’t that nicer than saying “clueless”?
) husband answered that no, the washing machine would do the same job, so don’t
worry about it. They left, showering us with blessings and with grateful words.
That night I tossed and turned, still aggravated and upset. The next morning
after I davened, I went into my office to work but could not get settled because I
couldn’t really accept what had happened. As I was sitting there, I just started talking to
Hashem. “Hashem, I was so excited and wanted to do this chessed…but this whole
situation is not OK! I gave them my beautiful, clean, stain-free tablecloths, and I gave
them instructions about how to keep them clean. But what did they do with them?! I
gave them something nice and not only didn’t they follow my instructions to take care
of it, but they really soiled and stained it!!! I sat quietly for a few moments and then, as
if Hashem wanted to answer me directly, this thought came clearly into my head…
I gave each of you a pure and holy Neshama! I gave you instructions on how to
take care of it, but as you went through life you didn’t really follow those instructions
and, in fact, you stained it. And yet… every year I clean it and give it back to you.
Sometimes the stains are harder to get out and sometimes easier. But every year I
cherish the time we spend working on getting those stains out because it brings us
closer to each other, and it echos the love I have for you.
I sat back with my brain reeling. Where did this idea come from?!! What a
message: it was so true, I felt it in my heart! It brought such a feeling of acceptance, a
feeling of “OK, I can accept what happened and move on” with my heart full of
gratitude. Hashem always has a reason for what occurs to us and sometimes we
understand it and when we do, it can lift us and remind us that He, yisborach, is always
near and is always present watching – and watching over – us.
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