Do you know the feeling of trying so hard to get to a specific goal and
not reaching it, not necessarily because of something you did or did
not do but because of something out of your control? This happened
to me recently at a workshop I was giving – I completely blanked and
forgot what I was saying. I had totally prepared, I had rehearsed and I
had visuals…but NOTHING CAME OUT! I was so frustrated. This
happens to us as parents as well as teachers! My son Shalom Zalman
recently shared a beautiful work that help me so much in
understanding and actually accepting when things like this happen!
Our Sages say that when Adam haRishon, the first human, ate from
the “eitz hada’as”, the Tree of Knowledge, his intention was really to
get closer to Hashem. He said to himself, “Right now the yetzer hara,
the inclination to do evil, is outside myself and not really part of me.
But if I eat from the Tree it will enter into and become a part of me.
Once I know Good and Evil I will have to fight harder to do Hashem’s
Will, and by succeeding in this struggle will come closer to Hashem.
It was not a bad thought process – getting close to Hashem is, of
course, a worthy ideal - but the Hashem did not ask him to analyze
what his best course of action would be! He was commanded to not
eat from the tree; and even with the best of intentions he should not
have done it, because Hashem told him not to.
Now think of Avraham Avinu; think about his test of sacrificing his
son, Yitzchok. Every “rational” fiber of his being must have wanted to
scream “NO WAY!” Avraham had a deep understanding of and
relationship with Hashem, particularly relating to the quality of
Mercy: Avraham is called the “Pillar of Chessed (Kindness).” Avraham
is the Father of Nations (what kind of example would this set?!), and
Hashem had promised that “through Yitzchak will your children be
called.” Yet, when Hashem told him to go and sacrifice his son,
although he really could have come up with many ideas to avoid this
act (one that comes to mind is “you didn’t understand what Hashem
was asking, He can’t be suggesting human sacrifice! Hashem must be
asking something else of you…) he accepted that this is what Hashem
wants and this is what I need to do. And by taking this approach –
the opposite of Adam’s! – by swallowing his “logic” and following
what he was commanded to do, Avraham rectified Adam’s mistake.
The tikkun olam, the correction of the world, begins with Avraham.
This is a deep and powerful lesson for us. So much of our everyday
lives are about controlling what we do. Yet very often this obsession
with control just adds more pressure and stress to our lives, making
our lives harder, crazier, and in no way better. Often, we need to
accept that the world is too big for us to see the big picture. For
example, I needed to see and accept that I did not have final control
to give over a workshop and guarantee that it will come out exactly
the way I planned it to be or wanted it to be. Many, many things are
not within our control. So…
What IS within my control? My ability to try my best to achieve what
Hashem wants, and my ability to believe and have faith in Hashem.
We must do whatever we can to the best of our abilities and
remember that everything Hashem does is really for the best.
“Rabbos machshavos b’lev ish, atzas Hashem hi sakum” There are
many thoughts in a person’s heart, but Hashem’s Will will come
about. When the unexpected, unwanted, undesired happens in the
middle of what we are doing then Hashem has given us a task of
accepting it with love and faith…and that is within my power to do.
This is an extremely powerful and valuable message to ourselves as
parents as teachers and as people. It can save us from anger,
frustration, and depression; and imagine what a powerful role model
we will be for our children when they see that we are able to do this
“superhuman” feat. May we be blessed with the merit of achieving
this quality and sharing these moments with our children!
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