What better holiday is their that reflects a philosophy of Montessori than Pesach. In a Montessori education we are all about the children. Pesach is all about passing on our mesorahh to our children. In fact the whole night of the seder is about engaging our children inspiring them to ask questions so that they can truly feel like they have left Egypt. What I love about the seder is that there are so many different ways to reach out children- there is song there is food there are activity, there is food – there is reading – there is food…
We have a special custom that each person and child at the seder has a different haggaddah. I love looking at the different pictures that come along – especial the ones of the 4 sons; the wise one the wicked the simple and the one who does not know how to ask. There is usual a simple translation of each and we learn from here how we are to answer each one. One of the ideas we learn something from these sons. Is the ability to listen and to communicate better to our own children based on what is being heard and said the for sons.
What does it mean to be an active listener- how does one do this and how do we become more effective communicators? Here are some ideas that we use in our Montessori environment.
When children ask questions, this give us the opportunity to learn more about who they are and what they are thinking about . In a certain place all four sons can really be part of each of us. There are times when everyone feels wise, times we feel like we do not know how to ask times situation where we feel so simple minded and even time when we feel like do not want to do what we need to. When something is deeply personal or if something is very emotions this gets hard to do.
Active listening asks each of us to stop when we are doing and be present and mindful. We need to hear what it is our children are asking or expressing.
Tip 1 when you are listening activily try not to judge. We do not even respond- just listen with finding solutions. You in essenence to to gain information and read the persons emtions.
Tip 2 As youi are doing this let the child know that you are completely with them by maintain eye contact, nodding a few times, saying something like aha. You can use your body language as well. You can lean in…
Tip 3 In ppreparing yourself to answer – take a moment- we usually have preconceived notion about things. We will want to repeat back with our judement what was said to us to that we can truly unders tasnd what was shared with us.
Tip 4 ask the child So you mean…. Have I understood you correctly, Reflecting back is an important tool and it give over the feeling – I was really being heard and listened to. It is s sign of respect and shows I am important and what I have to say is important as well.
Tip 5 DO NOT INTERUPPT. It is really important to the other person to be able to express what there thinking and feeling – interrupting immediately puts us iin the center.
Answering our children:
Tio 1 knowing what to answer. When answer we want to be open and honest. We want to give over information or answer what is asking. We do not want to over share or under share. This is especially true of children. (joke)
Tip 2 And there are times when a child will not really want a solution but will want to know they have been heard. Ask should we come up with come ideas of solutions? You can also ask – do you what to know what this situation?
Tip 3 Emapthy
Tip 4 always be reseprctful – when you anmswer be respectful.
Lastly: Try to avoid the following reaction and lines. They usually do not give support active listening and are more about problem solving.
Giving advice: “I think you should…” “Why don‘t you…”
One-upping: “That’s nothing, listen what happened to me…”
Comforting: “It wasn’t your mistake; you tried your best…”
Telling stories: “That reminds me of a time …”
Cutting someone short: “Come on, just hang in there…”
Pitying: “You poor…”
Interrogating: “When did it begin?”
Giving explanations: “I would have called, but…”
Revising: “That‘s not how it went…”
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