What wouldn’t we give for an uninterrupted night’s sleep? Try and imagine putting your
kids to bed and having them sleep through the night until their morning wake up times!
To be honest, Maria Montessori never really wrote about sleep. So when people talk
about a “Montessori approach to sleep” they are usually referring to using the concepts
and strategies that we spoke about before to help their children develop positive habits
and attitudes for bedtime and sleep that reflect Montessori philosophy. That’s why there
is no single approach toward bedtime habits. But don’t worry – we have some great
Montessori-inspired ideas for you.
Before we start: two points. First – as you know – routines are very important in
developing good sleep habits, but any routines you set up need to be a good fit for
you, your child and your family. And second: have patience. Any routine that you
set up will need a few weeks before you can hope to see any changes. The
purpose of a routine is to create a chain of connected events that ultimately lead to
sleeping peacefully in bed. These routines will help your child gear their body –
physically, mentally and emotionally – into a better place for sleep. Hopefully, it will
eventually lead your child start to self-regulate, and go to bed at the correct time and in
the correct frame of mind on their own.
Remember that in Montessori philosophy we “follow the child”. For our purposes now
that means that we see what works and what helps our child move in a positive
direction. So… plan & observe, wait & adjust. Then repeat those steps until you
feel that things are going the way that they should.
The essence of routine is repeated structure (sorry to all the spontaneous souls out
there!) Routine must be consistent, and should include things like when the child goes
to bed (and it doesn’t have to be the same time for every child, even those of the same
age. YOU know your child and his or her needs!), where a child sleeps, and what
activities your child does (and what they don’t do, too) before bedtime to prepare for
sleep.
Since the when and the where of sleeping are very individual decisions, based on your
circumstances and your child’s nature, we will focus mainly on positive activities to
help prepare for sleep:
1) Dinner
Many people begin the bedtime routines with supper. This makes sense: a child can’t
fall asleep easily if they are hungry, so make sure they have a dinner that is filling. Did
you know that milk contains melatonin, a chemical the body puts into the bloodstream
when the sun goes down to help regulate the sleep/wake cycle? Warm milk can be
soothing for a child (unless they are allergic or intolerant of it, of course) and may help a
child relax. Make sure also that your child does not have anything with caffeine (not just
coffee: many soft drinks and even teas have caffeine!) or lots of sugar in the hours
closest to bedtime.
2) Bath
After supper (or before) a bath can really help sooth and relax a child. Use warm soapy
water. Some people like to add a calming scent. Again, YOU now your children, and
what they need. I wouldn’t recommend having more than one child in the bath at a time
here, as active play will be counter-productive (fathers may need to be coached, here.
My husband never could give the kids a bath without riling them up with splashing
games and the like…) And keep in mind that different activities can have a different
impacts on children; observe to make sure any activity is calming for your child and not
energizing.
3) Story time/Quality time
Story-telling or reading is also a great way to relax, it usually helps younger children
wind down. It is a great time to snuggle (and rub your child’s back: see below.) Before
starting, you must – as always – consider your children, and how stories affect them.
We don’t want anything that will scare them or make them too excited as they are trying
to release and sleep.
Besides reading, a parent can do a quality-time period with a child. This means sitting
next to a child in bed and sharing a short conversation. The point here is quality not
quantity. Plan what you will share on a regular basis, and try to keep it light, quick and
meaningful: “wins” of the day, where you and your child saw Hashem in the world, a
daily gratitude, or something that you love about each other. Choose one (not more
than 10 minutes) thing; they can be changed every month or so. End with tefilah:
Shema Yisroel (all of the pre-sleep tefilah is usually too long for a young child) is good
for your child to learn, and it’s a wonderful security and encouragement about how we
are never alone!
4) Touch
The power of gentle touch (obviously, we don’t mean tickling!) has an amazing and
wonderfully relaxing effect on some children, particularly those who are generally hyper,
but really have underlying sensory issues. The power of touch is huge for all children.
Touch is soothing and reassuring for a child. It reminds them that you are there! This
can start off at a young age – even a baby responds positively to gentle massage – and
as children grow older we adapt to rubbing the backs or their hands (I know, you’re not
running a spa here; but think of how YOU will relax when your child is peacefully
sleeping and you have quiet time for yourself!)
5) Music
For some children, soft, calming music is a sensory activity that can help them relax and
let go. You can either play it quietly in the background or an older child can listen on a
headset. One of my children puts a story on in the room for his child to fall asleep to. Be
careful with this routine, as it can’t be used on Shabbos or Yom Tovim; but if it works
during the week, it’s still a good “tool in your box.”
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